Brandi asked me a great question yesterday about this lifestyle (thank you, Brandi!) and I thought I would answer it here in a post so that you guys can all help out a little, too!
I don't understand how to incorporate this into my everyday life once I start. In other words, how does one go out to eat with friends anymore? How does one go out for drinks at the company party, etc? Do you always carry a purse full of bananas with you just in case some situation you aren't prepared for arises?Hello, my name is Sarah and I'm half-homebody and half-social butterfly. This is my story.
I am just scared that I will start this and it will be great at home, but the "exclusion" it will create in social situations sounds frustrating and tiresome. Any advice?
When I first started out transitioning to this diet, I was in a place in my life emotionally where I was not ready to go out and be social a lot. This wasn't due to my new diet but to extenuating circumstances and a bit of personality combined.
So I stayed home, a lot. Which is quite easy to do when your job is to stay home. I was excellent at my job. It's actually a rather nice, comforting, cocooning sort of experience - for a little while.
I did have social things on my calendar, (and if you click on this you will see some earlier accounts of how I handled them) but it wasn't like I was seeing friends several times a week. More like weekly at the most. And most of these times did not revolve around a meal.
Our close friends and family, the ones we trusted, knew about my diet. I don't think they all necessarily "got" the ins and outs of it (I'm pretty sure there are some out there who still don't understand that I really only eat raw fruit and veg) but they know I eat a different diet. And from what I can tell, they're all ok with it. We just don't talk about diet much. :)
Of late though, I have gotten tired of being passive when it comes to my social life. I suppose one year of laying low is catching up with me. I recently found myself missing and longing for more social interaction.
So I have burst out of my homemade cocoon and have been spreading my wings a little - okay, a lot. Lately I've been feeling like my social calendar could possibly rival Paris Hilton's, and it just seems to keep filling up. Someone needs to get me an agent! Haha!
Anyway, the diet thing hasn't been a big deal, or really, even a deal at all. So I hope that the following tips will help Brandi and any of you who are having a hard time wrapping your mind around this!
Principle No. 1
If you don't tell anyone about your diet, it's unlikely anyone will notice.
Real Life Example: Recently we've met, and been welcomed with open arms by a whole new group of friends. They all already knew each other and live nearby. They also have no clue about my diet and although I'm sure it will eventually come out, right now wild horses couldn't drag it out of me.
Last weekend one of the families had an ice cream party at their house to celebrate July 4th. They provided the ice cream, the guests brought toppings. I brought about 6 lbs of assorted berries in a glass bowl the size of Mount Everest turned upside down. It was a hit - people seemed to really enjoy the berries on their ice cream.
We were there for over two hours, and I'm pretty sure nobody ever noticed that none of the 5 of us had any ice cream (my kids don't do dairy). My husband and kids ate bowlfuls of just berries. I didn't eat at all because my big mouth was too busy blabbing to multi-task with chewing. Plus I wasn't hungry.
Nobody even looked or commented on our food. Ok, I take that back. My 3 yr old apparently had a hole in her stomach that night and ate the most out of anyone - 3-4 cereal bowlfuls worth. I was feeding her berries with a spoon, and someone did comment that she sure did like fruit. That was about it.
Principle No. 2
In the beginning, always be prepared with food and with words.
Real Life Example: I think there are two ways you can prepare yourself for social events that are helpful. The first is with food, and the second is with words.
Food: I don't do this anymore, because once this diet becomes a part of your life, simply something that you do, food doesn't ever seem too urgent anymore. But it was very helpful to me in the first 4 months or so, to make sure to a) eat before I left the house and b) pack some fruit.
I never liked being away from home in the beginning when I felt hungry because that's when I knew I would struggle with cravings. So I tried to eat before I left the house.
As far as being at the restaurant or social event, I found that either not really eating, or eating a basic plain salad, did not draw too much notice. "I ate a huge lunch so I'm not hungry yet" or "I'm just eating light for tonight" seemed to suffice. I don't drink alcohol anyway, so I don't have experience with that, but hopefully someone else who used to drink will chime in for ya.
As far as packing fruit - in the fall and winter, a package of fresh dates were discreet and easy to pack. I didn't like stuffing bananas in my purse, but sometimes I would pack some bananas or apples or some other easy-to-eat-on-the-go fruit in my car.
Words: It is really confidence boosting to learn a few new simple and short phrases to say to people to diffuse the times when they do notice and ask you questions. For example, instead of ever mentioning the word "diet", I like to say easy, vague things like, "I just eat a lot of fruit/salad," or "I just feel better when I eat this way," if I can get away with it.
Phrases like those just come across a lot easier on the ears for most people, I've found. And if someone is genuinely curious and interested in your diet, they will keep asking you and at that point you can let all heck break loose and tell them that you're a fruitarian. But if they're really that curious then they will likely be very open to it.
Principle No. 3
Practice makes perfect.
Real Life Example: Every single time you get out there, you will get more comfortable with yourself and less worried about what others think. This is something I've noticed about myself over time.
So make an effort to keep practicing. Go to every social thing you're invited to when you can, and make sure you're prepared for each one, as in Principle No. 2 above. You will probably find that by the 10th party, you will wonder why you ever fretted about this.
You may encounter a couple of rude people along the way, and you may say a couple of things you didn't mean to occasionally. You may even lose a friend or two (in which case, they weren't really friends anyway - would real friends part with you over what you eat??) but try to take it all in stride and learn something from each experience.
I rarely pack food or plan ahead anymore. I just focus on being with friends and getting to know them instead of worrying about myself (which used to be a huge struggle for me). But this kind of confidence builds with time, and that's really all there is to it!
Share your ideas and experiences!
I know I'm not the only one who's dealt with this, so if you have more suggestions, please add them in the comments!
20 rotten tomatoes:
I have a relative who was a little conspicuous at a family gathering for not eating with everyone when all that was available was cake and snack chips. She relaxed in a different room when the main activity was face-stuffing.
I overheard when she was asked whether she wanted anything to eat, and she just said that she's been eating just fruits and vegetables. I doubt that anyone would think less of her for it. One look at this woman is proof that whatever she's doing to take care of her body is WORKING.
Thank you so much Sarah! As I said, I haven't actually started this way of eating yet, but each day I feel a little closer to it. Your advice makes a lot of sense. I would hesitate to use the word "diet" whenever possible as well, as I am already quite thin so I know the first thought that will pop into people's minds is "eating disorder" which will bring probable grief. I mean I got that in middle school too, but just as my mom predicted: look at them now and then look at me. Hah!
It's already causing a bit of frustration between my boyfriend and me. He seems very willing to try it with me, but I know deep down he will only be able to do it for a week or two, and even then he won't really be doing it the way I will. He's not motivated by skin problems as I am, so he has no urgent issue that's been bothering him for years. He's already filled with some doubt and a deep-seated love of Dr. Pepper/Taco Bell.
And honestly, I love non-raw food. I love butter, corn, brownies, cookies, mashed potatoes, ravioli, you name it. So as much as people talk around it, the idea of changing how you eat affects many, many things. I know it will affect the bonding experience we share when getting excited to go eat at Outback or get pizza on Friday nights. So that is scary.
The other issues that also worry me are the immediate physical changes in terms of weight loss and detox symptoms. I am not thrilled at the prospect of seeing myself withering away (except for my inner thighs..good riddance!), and while I would like to work out and do some basic muscle toning, I have no idea where to start in terms of a routine or basic workout. Our building has a small gym, but what would you recommend to make sure my arms and legs don't start looking unhealthy? Do you know of any good websites? Should you still do cardio? You seem very tone. I am also worried my skin will get really bad before things change. That would devastating and hard to continue on with.
I hate to sound whiny, but I am the type of person who over thinks and tries to prepare for everything! I don't like the idea of jumping into something before I've come up with a solid plan of attack first, because then I can stick with my original goal better.
Thanks again...I hope you don't mind becoming a mentor of sorts! You're quite good at it.
For me, being social as a raw foodist is the same as being social at a bar when you're not drinking. When I go out with my drinking friends I won't drink regardless of how much they want me to, and it's no big deal once they understand I'm not there to drink but to enjoy their company and the music (or whatever the venue is). I'm happy with a non-alcoholic drink, water with lemon, etc.
As for restaurants, same deal; we just order things we prefer to eat raw, like salads and fruit plates. I have found that eating raw is a social problem when we make it a social problem. If you are cool about it, other people usually are too. If they are not, then they have other issues (like needing to be in control, maybe!) and maybe you'll avoid them in the future.
One thing I've found is that if you link your eating to your health, people are more accepting of what you do. People understand food allergies, for example, so you can equate it with that- you are working on some health issues and are eating only raw, fresh, whole foods. You can even addd, "Thank you for caring enough to ask". :-D
As for the healthiness of eating raw, there are some foods that release more nutrients when cooked (tomatoes are the famous example) and others that are more palatable when cooked (potatoes come to mind!) If you have hypothyroidism like I do, you may want to avoid the brassica family of vegetables, as they are goitrogenic and further inhibit thyroid function. I steam those vegetables to deactivate the goitrogens.
I have eaten 100% raw and I have eaten much less than that. I dont' believe in percentages, as it is not actually possible to precisely measure the percentage of rawness in one's diet, and the practice only leads to comparisons of whose diet is better or "more raw," which I think is a silly waste of time.
The bottom line is that our individual health needs and preferences will dictate the best raw lifestyle for ourselves. Your raw diet may be very different from your neighbor's raw diet. As long as it's the best for YOU, that's all that matters.
For my job, I have to go to luncheons once in a while, where the only thing I can order is a vegan meal without knowing in advance what they will serve me. It is right that nobody at the table seems to really care if I finish my plate. Especially if I order vegan meals, there is always some salad or fruit. Problem for me is how to handle bad cravings, like a big plate of pasta or bread served right in front of me. What I do now is that I drink a huge green smoothie before leaving the office. If I'm not starving, it is easier to resist cravings. And if I end up eating a little piece of bread to kill the craving and make the nervousness go away, it's not a big deal either.
Anais
For me, it's been hard to be social with my health problem. I think of eating raw vegan as a way of helping me become more social.
As for getting together with friends/family, I find that most people follow your cue. Don't make too much of it, eat what you can, and have fun.
As for detox, as someone with skin problems myself, it was pretty bad - but, I've been doing some resesarch - basically, you've gotta make sure you're getting rid of toxins via other eliminative channels (colon, kidneys, lungs) - things other people have suggested that I've found helpful: No juices early on (too powerful a cleanser and no fibre to keep things moving out), increasing fibre intake via leafy greens and flax seeds, drink lots of pure water, deep breathing exercises, light exercise, skin brushing, alternating hot/cold water during showers, moderate and regular doses of sunlight. Some have also suggested colonic or enemas especially in the early stages - I haven't done this - seemed unnatural - but perhaps I would've if I'd know about it when things were bad. Still, since I've started the 811rv version of the raw vegan diet, I feel things have been moving along quite well and things are clearing up. Not mixing foods too much and not eating too late are also helpful - anything to help digestion. Don't be afraid/overwhelmed, Brandi. Sorry to be so wordy.
Very helpful post and comments! This is, I admit, the number one thing holding me back from trying this too. Well, a combination of "how can I get away with this in public?" and "will I be strong enough to stick with this at a social event with lots of bad food around to tempt me?" And also a dash of "how can I commute to work daily and do this without a wheelbarrow?"
I do admit that it all boils down to this -- when/if I'm TRULY ready, I will just do it, and deal.
Great post Sarah! Yeah, it seems as you plug along it doesn't seem to be quite as big of deal as it once was with people. Maybe we're more confident, maybe we know how to be prepared now, maybe b/c those who know us aren't weirded out by what we eat or don't eat, or maybe b/c we don't make it a big deal as before but whatever it is I don't feel I need to avoid social situations. In fact, most people will just ask us more questions, act interested and stuff. ha ha! We have a family wedding coming up which might be interesting but hopefully they'll have some fruit or veggie platters. If not, we'll pack some things just in case. ;) Not too worried about it though.
This past weekend I was way up north to visit friends and family. My younger brother has always eaten a 'different' diet. He supports animal welfare so he has avoided flesh for the most part but still consumes fish and dairy products. He is very intrigued by my diet. I explained to him that what the ROW (rest of the world) eats is non-human food and only a small percentage eat the foods that are actually meant for humans. He seemed to grasp this quicky. Then he asked me if I get tired of always eating fruits and salads. I said if you get tired of breathing air or living you'd get tired of human foods. A cow after being weaned from it's mother will eat grass for it's diet every day of it's life, I don't think he gets tired of it. He even tried to start eating like I do. Quickly he picked up the concept as there was a commercial on TV that showed a burger and he said that's food for birds (the bun), dogs (meat), baby cows (cheese), and pigs or rodents (onions). He sure caught on quickly.
When I met friends, with one I had fresh squeezed OJ while he drank some smoothie with unknown ingredients and with another I had what was shown as caesar salad on the menu without the caesar (no cheese, no croutons, no dressing) which amounted to romaine lettuce leaves while he intoxicated himself with several beers. BTW both are starting to look like they are in their later years in life with many times the number of grey hairs and wrinkles than I have. Could diet be one of the reasons? Their SAD diet sure isn't helping them!
Great post! I usually eat ahead of time if I need to, but I'm now comfortable with spur of the moment social situations.
I got over my fear of asking for a special dish at a restaurant. Most places have salad, but all sorts of stuff I don't eat with it. I now survey the various salads on the menu and pick and choose what ingredients I'd like and special order. The servers are always polite. I don't explain why I want anything different. Most people order other items and ask for changes (i.e. leave the onions off that burger, but could you add bacon). I'm no longer afraid to ask for what I want.
If it is a social gathering at a house, church, community center, etc, I always take food. I will take enough of what I will eat for everyone. Usually that means a large bowl or platter of fresh fruit. Watermelon is great to share in the summer.
I don't ever mention diet. I just usually tell others that I like eating fresh fruits and veggies. I feel better when I eat this way.
I've found that many who don't know about my eating habits, never really even notice them.
This is a really great topic. I have been eating mostly raw for a year now, and have had strong and weak moments along the way. Mostly I hate feeling like my special needs are always dictating where we eat and what we eat, especially with my Fiance or good friends. Thankfully we live in NYC where the raw food places are some of the best, but even so it can get a little boring always making the same rounds. One thing that I find helpful, particularly in group situations when you don't want to make a big deal about your diet, is to make index cards that say, "Do to health issues, I only can eat RAW fresh foods. These are the following items I can eat. Please make me a dinner palate with whatever you have that match this list. Please do not cook anything or put any kind of salt or sauce on my food. Thank you very much!" And then below are a long list of what I can eat: lettuce, avocado, celery, fruit, tomatoes, etc, etc. I hand this index card to the waitress, let's say if I am in an italian joint with friends, and ask the waitress to give it to the chef. Often times the most beautiful and creative platter of veggies or fruits comes out and every one is jealous!
The one thing I do always bring along, if I can plan ahead, is salad dressing, but even so fresh lemon will do the trick.
The only loop hole I see with not telling folks you are a raw foodist or a fruitarian is that it makes it easier for you to cheat, because nobody knows! In the beginning I found telling people discretely kept me accountable and on track.
I think it just takes time to settle into the lifestyle and figure out all the tricks. It is like having kids, you can't really anticipate it all or know what you are going to do till it happens. So try not to let fear stop you from feeling your best!
I have to echo Kyle. I hate having my friends be limited on what restaurant to go to because of my diet. Sometimes I just bring along my own salad at lunch, or I can find something on almost any menu. If it's a party I bring something I can eat and keep my mouth shut unless I'm asked about my food (and that's rare).
HTH
Pixy Lisa
Thanks, Sarah. I really needed this post! I have been stressing about an upcoming social gathering and this was reassuring.
Rick, thanks for sharing that! That is pretty neat. :)
Brandi, I think all of us that are now doing this, used to love cooked food a lot. The problem was that it did not love us back. :D Take heart and take it at your pace, and be prepared for a wild ride! Feel free to email anytime.
Allison, thanks for the great advice!
Anais, it totally does make cravings better if you're not hungry! This was def the key for me.
Anna, that is a great point coming from the other side of things! Thank you for sharing that!
Sally-Anne, you've never seen the pic of my wheelbarrow? Hehe :)
Heidi, that's really great that you and S have had such a positive experience! You must share about that wedding when it's over.
Green, I'm totally hoping that over the next 10 yrs some ppl may start noticing that I don't exhibit the looks or symptoms of aging. Maybe they'll be curious about my lifestyle then! :D That is totally cool about your bro. My sis is a fairly "healthy" eater but thinks I'm taking it too far and pretty much has her ears shut around me.
Sarah, many of my social interactions are at church functions too and I have had the same observations. :)
Kyle - that was great advice! I've heard of the card thing but never actually tried it. I guess I'm chicken that they will salt it anyway. LOL! So I usually just say, romaine salad with tomatoes, dressing on the side. And then I don't use the dressing.
Lisa, it's interesting to note how many of us have noticed that nobody really cares what we eat for the most part. :)
Margi, I'm so glad! I hope you had the time to read everybody's comments too - they all had some great words of wisdom! Good luck with your upcoming event and let us know how it went!
I love how you explain everything so thoroughly, Sarah! I think you should somehow highlight this entry, because this question comes up a lot with new raw foodists.
For me, I've made it a habit of filling up before leaving the house, taking a few bananas for the car in case I am out longer than expected, and food isn't a focus. If someone is eating around me, I just say I already ate and I'm full. "I'm just too full to eat even one more bite," is something I have said when people are offering me a taste of something I'd never put into my mouth. ;-)
I think there's more room for being social as a raw foodist, because once food isn't a focus anymore, you get to really BE with the people you are spending time with.
Lots of love to you, Sarah!
Wendi
XOXOXO
Wendi, I always think of you as the Wendy in Peter Pan somehow. :-) That's a compliment!
Anyway I'm taking your advice to heart and highlighting this post in case newbies need it. Thank you so much!
Wonderful post, I think you said it all! Reminded me of a great quote I came across once, which said something like "don't ever worry about what other people are thinking of you - they'll just be busy worrying about what others are thinking of them!"
For the record, I'm not OPPOSED to wheelbarrows. I'm just not sure how it'd go over on Capitol Hill every day. Perhaps I could tote my workday fruit around in my big reusable Trader Joe's bag instead. :)
I am famous for toting around 1 gallon jugs of distilled water, and also brown Central Market (or similar grocery store) bags full of fruit. :-) I know I look like a nut but I don't care.
I shouldn't care either. I have to walk a ways from my car to my office every day, and go through a metal detector, but I doubt the guards would say anything about a big bag o'fruit. :)
Okay - WHERE do you work again? What do you do? You can FB me if you don't want to leave it on my blog :-) When you said Capitol Hill I didn't know if you meant the neighborhood or the gov building!
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